this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
