After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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