D3 body, D1 cock
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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