why do cheetos always look like penises
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize