I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
