its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
