I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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