I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize