I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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