I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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