That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
