I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
