oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
