I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
