During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
