How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's official drugs can't kill me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
