i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
