I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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