So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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