I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
