help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
