Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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