it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
