I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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