There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
