Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
