Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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