Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
