Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
