Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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