So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
