Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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