I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
