I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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