I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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