Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
