What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
