they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They have beer where we have blood.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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