Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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