He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
