took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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