new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
