but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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