***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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