Having a random hookup so left but love u
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
