saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
