I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize