Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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