thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
