good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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