She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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