i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
