omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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