I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
