This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
