She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
