can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
