Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
