There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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