She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize