Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
