I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
